Four years ago, this past July 12, my father died. And even now, some 48 months later, the words “dead,” “gone,” “passed away — none of them fully capture the sacred leaving season that he, my mother, and I abided in together.
Some are taken from us suddenly and tragically, as I wrote about last week. Others linger. Their final days stretch into weeks or months — or even years — giving us time to prepare but also time to grieve in advance.
That was the case with both my father and my maternal grandfather. Each knew their time on earth was drawing to a close. And as an only child to one and the go-to grandchild to the other, I spent months traveling back and forth between Chicago, where I lived, to Indiana and Georgia.
I cherished every moment. But the physical, mental and emotional toll was sometimes overwhelming.
And it’s that feeling — emotional overwhelm — that I want to talk to you about this week.
Anticipatory Grief begins long before a death occurs. According to neuroscientist Mary-Frances O’Connor, the grieving brain is not broken — it is trying to learn how to live in two realities: loving someone who is still here and simultaneously preparing for them to be gone.
In those moments of inner chaos, Scripture offers a lifeline: “When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I” (Psalm 61:2). David’s cry reminds us that we are not meant to carry sorrow alone. There is a higher place—a Rock—that can steady us when the ground feels like it’s giving way.
Dr. Caroline Leaf, a Christian cognitive neuroscientist, reminds us that “you can’t heal what you don’t first acknowledge.” Awareness is the first step toward peace.
Griever’s Toolbox:
This week’s tool is to write a one-sentence prayer or lament:
“Lord, I feel ____________. Lead me to the Rock.”
Naming your emotion invites God’s presence and begins to calm the chaos within.
Next week in “Grief & Grace,” we’ll explore how the way we grieve is often shaped by the families we come from — and why that awareness can bring healing.
Debbie Simler-Goff, Certified Mental Health Coach (AACC) Email: debbiesimler@gmail.com
