One year, long ago, but not so far away, the Boss Of The House decided to grow some tomatoes. She dedicated a very small patch of land next to her driveway. Then she carefully and proudly embedded a half-dozen Big Boy tomato plants.
They did zilch. Notta.
She contacted the county expert. He visited the vast Solanum lycopersicum plantation and suggested she pour some milk on the three surviving plants.
A milk diet?
Skeptically she poured some milk on her beloved wilting stalks.
ONE MORE TIME — Comment & Observation — By Joe Lee III
Sure enough a couple of beautiful berries showed up. Every day she watered and admired the fledgling tomatoes. One of the plants really prospered. She debated each day when to harvest her mammoth crop.
Every morning she surveyed whether to pick the beautiful tomato – “maybe tomorrow,” she told herself.
She announced one night at supper that the next day she was going to pick the tomato and we’d have slices of a beautiful homegrown tomato on the table the next night! Our mouths watered. She is a great cook.
The Great Morning arrived and she went proudly out to the plantation with a pair shears to collect the lone fruit of her farming effort.
The tomato was gone.
A suspicious looking deer was dashing away from the yard.
That night at supper no one brought up the word “tomato.”
From the BabylonBee.com — WASHINGTON, D.C. – Congress has asked all non-essential businesses to limit their hours or close entirely for an undetermined amount of time.
But this shutdown mistakenly shut down the most non-essential entity of all: the government.
For a brief period of time, all government in the United States was illegal, since it is completely non-essential to everything.
“Oops,” said Senator Mitch McConnell. “We meant non-essential private businesses. Of course, the government is always essential, even when it’s not doing anything or is making things worse.”
Senators, congresspeople, and bureaucrats frantically rewrote the ban to include only businesses that actually produced something and not government agencies that just watched other people make stuff. Though they had dragged their feet on passing bills related to relieving the financial distress of the shutdown, they passed this revision in record speed, almost as quickly as they vote for pay raises for themselves.
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said she would have caught the mistake but had passed the ban in a hurry, saying, “We had to pass the ban to see what it did.”
• Day 6 of the quarantine – Preparing to take out the garbage … so excited … can’t decide what to wear.
• Does anyone know how long toilet paper will last if you freeze it?
• My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately, that when I pee, it cleans the toilet.
• Saw a lady out early this morning scraping the “My Kid is a Terrific Student” sticker off her minivan. Guess home-schooling is not going so well.
• I hope the weather tomorrow is good for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I am tired of Los Livingroom.
• You thought it was hard to train a dog? Look at all the humans that can’t sit and stay.
• Home invasions should decline. Everyone is home with guns and enough bleach and paper towels to clean up the scene.
• Home-schooling Day Three. They all graduated. #Done.
(The previous info was sent in. I have no idea who the original author is, but am sending a “thank you”.)
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