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Commentary by Arnold Dyre
A brand new year has arrived!
I celebrated New Year’s Eve with old Clovis. We did not make it all the way until midnight, but we had a fine time while we lasted.
I do not know what all this new year may bring, but I know some things.
It may or not bring snow, but it will bring rain. There will be cloudy days and sunny days, storms will come and storms will pass, and some days the fish will bite.
The daffodils will bloom. Turkeys will gobble in the spring. The summer will be hot. Likely, it will still be hot in the fall. Football will come again. And the year will end again.
Old Clovis says that he figures he has lived long enough and is fully prepared to go whenever the Lord wants to take him. Frankly, I feel the same way. I have already lived a good life. Everything from here on out will be a bonus.
It is hard to imagine that the Washington politicians can make a bigger mess than they already have. I think they all ought to try going fishing. For me, fishing always puts things into a better focus, whether I catch anything or not.
Old Clovis and I are going to go fishing if he is up to it on a nice sunny day. Clovis says he would just as soon never get cold again.
The best joke I pulled this past year was when I filled a beer can with water and put it in Clovis’ refrigerator. The doctor had suggested that Clovis maybe ought to quit drinking beer or, at least, have one only once in a while.
While Clovis claims that he cannot remember anything, whenever I admonish him that he is not supposed to be drinking beer, he very promptly retorts, “Doctor said I could have one every once in a while!”
Well, anyway, in preparation for Clovis’ next “every once in a while,” I had that chilled water all ready to go in a Coors can tucked away in the refrigerator. One day, Clovis casually remarked, “I think I will drink a beer.”
To better pull off the joke, I first gave Clovis a disapproving look and then reluctantly stated, “Well, OK, I guess it has been a while. I will get it for you.”
Whether he could hear it or not, I made a show of popping the top and then put the beer can in one of Clovis’ cup holders. Clovis absolutely believes that you must drink a can of beer in a cup holder.
I handed the water-filled can to Clovis and sat back down. He took a long pull and did not say anything. In a second or two, he took another swig. On the third go, Clovis announced, “This damn beer has gone flat. It tastes like water!”
Oh, how I regret that I did not fully prepare for the joke. I should have had several cans filled with water and kept going back to fetch another until Clovis was fuming about a whole case of beer going bad from sitting around in the refrigerator while he followed doctor’s orders.
The housekeeper was the first one to break out laughing from the fuss Clovis was making over the flat beer. I, too, started laughing and explained to Clovis what I had done. He said that I was a whole lot crazier than he thought I was if I had really thought that I could pass off a can of water on him as a can of beer.
But it was a good joke and ranks right up there with when I kept putting duck decoys in the swimming pool and taking them out and then putting them back every day or so until Beverly remarked that wild ducks had been landing in our pool.
I’ve got to put my mind to working on a good joke for this year!
adyre@comcast.net
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